A Soliloquy on Grace:
I was lost and unconscious of my state. Dead to all God is and all He loves. I was told, occasionally, of my deadness, yet this truth fell on deaf ears and a cold, beatless, heart – For i was dead. I was accustomed to living without Him, for I had never known anything but life without Him – at least what I thought was life.
So lost was I that I sought, not to be found, but to find. I sought fulfillment. Fulfillment in the very things that starved me. Yet the more I devoured these sinful delicacies, the more they devoured me. I sought Him not. How could I seek Him? I was dead to Him and He was death to me!
I was lost, and a slave to my lostness; obeying my God-hating master’s every whim. Yet not feeling to be a slave, but rather a free man. For the commands of my master fell on my ears as if they were spoken from my own lips. Never a command given that did not please my dead heart to fulfill. I loved my lostness! And if I ever began to become disgruntled in the least I quickly found that delving deeper in the darkness satisfied.
I even found a cloak, seemingly tailored just for me – religion. I knew not that it was ragged and filthy, and no one else seemed to care. Woven from my own works of morality, the very best I had, it served as a kind of security. A guarantee that all the pleasure I indulged in here would be transported and maximized in the here after.
I was lost.
But one day a Light shined on me, yet in me, for it penetrated to my soul. i know It shined on me, for I never would have stepped into It. My master had warned me of this, and I swore to run from It’s rays if I were to ever see It.
My heart began to beat, and heard a Voice. He spoke wrath to me, and as the words of condemnation were falling in my ears a stench reached my nostrils that made me sick. As if knowing what it was that sickened me and my inability to find it’s source, The Light said, “All your righteousness are as filthy raggs.” Instantly my eyes saw my prized cloak and despised every fiber of it. I ripped it from my body only to find myself nakedly exposed in The Light, and none the better for shedding it, for The Voice still spoke wrath to me.
The light bore down on me, showing me all I was; or rather all I wasn’t compared to It’s Holiness. It was no more just my cloak i hated, but loathed myself. The words of wrath The Voice had spoken to me were justly done so, and I knew it. Yet, strangely, I did not desire to run from this condemning Light; nor could I for It had found me. I curled up like a child in the womb, naked and absolutely destitute; knowing wrath was earned, yet wishing somehow to escape it.
Then The Voice spoke again, “Come.” I looked up, expecting to see The Voice calling me to the instrument of death prepared for wretches such as I. But my eyes beheld a Lamb that had been slain! He said to me, “I, Who knew no sin, became sin for you. Come.” As He spoke these words He drew me to Himself, yet without ropes. Like my old master, the words The Lamb spoke were parallel to the desires of my own heart. I could not resist, for I did not want to.
He took His own cloak of righteousness and placed it on my back and said to me, “You are Mine, for I have purchased you with My blood!”
I fell at His feet, and worshiped The Lamb. He had made this dead man live!
AMAZING GRACE (My Chains are Gone)
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy rains
Unending love, Amazing grace
The Lord has promised good to me
His word my hope secures
He will my shield and portion be
As long as life endures
The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine
You are forever mine